Valentines Day: Love Letter To The NSA

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Is the NSA a secret admirer . . . or a stalker who needs a restraining order? After recording a dozen Love Letters to the NSA for Occupy Radio’s Valentine special, co-host Rivera Sun wrote down a letter of her own. Listen to the podcast here. 

Dear NSA,

This is awkward. All these years, you’ve been a secret admirer and I never knew it! You’ve kept track of my phone calls, my emails; all of my communications, but now that Ed Snowden finally spilled the beans about how you feel about me . . . well, I hate to say it and break your heart, but I’m not interested.

What were you thinking? There’s a thin line between devotion and obsession – you’ve crossed it. If you’re so fascinated by me, how come you never sent flowers on my birthday, hmm? Or took me to a nice restaurant?

When Ed first told me how you followed my every move, I’ll admit, I was flattered. You’re so powerful, so well-funded, you’ve got that whole James Bond spy thing going for you . . . and me? I’m just an overly intellectual, opinionated, activist-type, who is concerned with saving the world. Of course, that’s probably the basis of your attraction; you also want to save the world. But listen, we really should get together over coffee sometime because I don’t think we’re using those words the same way.

Next I thought that, since I’m not that pretty compared to the supermodels and movie stars you can spy on afterhours, you must be interested in me for my work. After all, I did write this novel, The Dandelion Insurrection, which depicts the American people in nonviolent struggle against the tyranny of the corporate-political collusion. You’re not expressly mentioned by name, but that section that talks about the fingers of the government crawled across the land . . . yeah, well, that was inspired by you.

But then Ed Snowden told me that it’s not my novel or my activism work. The truth is, I’m nothing special to you. You’re spying on everyone, all around the world. I’m just one among the billions. That’s harsh. But honestly, the way you’re spying on people all around the world is such a turn off. I’m a Leo, which means, buddy, that I am the show-stopper, the one-and-only, the center of the Universe – and your wandering, globetrotting, scrutinizing eye is not amusing to yours truly.

As for your mass data collection addiction . . . if information were food, you’d be an obese, compulsive eater with a thyroid problem.

Look, I’m sure the 30-40,000 employees that work for you are probably very nice, voyeuristic introverts with delusions of James Bond grandeur. I bet there’s not a day that goes by where they don’t count their blessings for their sizable and steady paychecks in this terrible economy. For many of them, it’s got to be a dream job: computers, hacking, encryption, decryption, inventing software, breaking the law – and all for a great cause! They get to fight terrorists from the comfort and safety of a computer screen instead of kicking down doors in whatever Middle Eastern nation our insane politicians have decided to invade.

But with all due respect, no amount of surveillance is going to save us from the ramifications of our nation’s warmongering ways. Our carnal lust for domination and destruction is creating enemies faster than beans make farts!

People around the world hate America not because they are insane, extremist, violence-prone psychopaths; people hate America because we are the most avaricious, aggressive, overly militarized bully on the face of the planet. We invade countries to fund our military-industrial complex. We drop Napalm, Agent Orange, depleted uranium, white phosphorous on civilians, bomb wedding parties with drones, stage secret CIA coups to depose democratically elected leaders, finance death squads, steal oil fields and opium markets, inflict destructive capitalism on the global economy, enslave third world nations to debt, and threaten the human species with extinction while dogmatically clinging to a religious fanaticism that denies climate change because it conveniently allows the fossil fuels industry to rake in the profits!

What did you expect the world to do, send us a love letter?

Let me tell you a secret that you clearly have not wiretapped yet: the way to prevent terrorism is to treat our brothers and sisters around the world with respect, withdraw our military presence, apologize for our illegal acts of aggression, stop causing climate change, feed the starving children, and get a grip on reality. Healthy relationships require listening, compassion, generosity, sensitivity, and yes, privacy. So stop it. Stop the voyeurism. It’s not preventing terrorists – only peace, equality, and justice will do that.

Respectfully, I must break your heart. We’re all wrong for each other. You’re into spying, secrecy, and silent, distant obsession. And I’m a Leo. I want my admirers to come out of the closet, shower me with roses, croon like Frank Sinatra, dance like Fred Astaire, do the dishes, and massage my back.

Our one-sided relationship has got to end. You need therapy. You need a life. You need a restraining order from the Supreme Court.

With love,

Rivera Sun

P.S. I know you’re royally pissed off at Ed Snowden for telling me about all this, but stop threatening his life, would you? Just suck it up, call him, tell him you made a mistake, you’ve mended your ways, your mass surveillance days are done, and you’ve even got a Congressional Medal of Honor waiting for him. Oh, and I recommend doing all that before he gets a Nobel Prize. Thanks.

Author/Actress Rivera Sun is a co-founder of the Love-In-Action Network, a co-host on Occupy Radio, and, in addition to her new novel, The Dandelion Insurrection, she is also the author of nine plays, a book of poetry, and her debut novel, Steam Drills, Treadmills, and Shooting Stars, which celebrates everyday heroes who meet the challenges of climate change with compassion, spirit, and strength. You can read her blog here.

Occupy Radio’s “Love Letters to the NSA” Listen to the podcast here.

Featuring: Jill Stein, President of the Green Shadow Cabinet, Bruche Schneier, Kevin Zeese and Margaret Flowers of Popular Resistance, Cindy Sheehan, The Metta Center for Nonviolence’s Hope Tank, Pancho Ramos Stierle, Sister Mary Pendergast of the Sisters of Mercy, Keith McHenry of Food Not Bombs, Susan Rubin, Beau Hodai of DBA Press, Sue Sierralupe of Occupy Medical, Janet Wilson of Occupy the Roads, and Stephan Schwartz of the Schwartz Report.

 

  • dsgetch

    Most awesome Rivera. Wow! You covered a lot of ground here. But at least you let the NSA down easy. This is my favorite line: “Let me tell you a secret that you clearly have not wiretapped yet: the way to prevent terrorism is to treat our brothers and sisters around the world with respect,”

    • Rivera Sun

      Thanks, Getch. I’m a systems theory kinda gal. I like to analyze the causes and conditions that give rise to a situation like terrorism … and a surveillance state and see if I can parse out the actual resolution of the problem.

  • il corvo

    Speaking of what ifs. What if millions of people flooded the NSA with creative and but contrived terrorist information, targets, and times of attack? The NSA would have no way to know what was real and what was made up. What if millions did it everyday, would it drive the government into having an honest two way debate instead of the President telling us what HE is willing to do? How do the people get into the debate about mass spying? This might be one way.

    Further more think about writing a fictitious terrorist post and sending it over the internet, does it bring up a smidgen of fear? What does that tell you about freedom in the US?

    • easywriter

      Instead of terrorist writing why not more of the type of writing that Rivera Sun wrote…? sent by the thousands, daily…

      • il corvo

        I guess that would be fine but you would then be appealing to the NSA’s better nature and allow them to not pay attention. The thought was how to get the NSA and the federal governments attention by millions being willing to throw sand into the cogs of spying and keep it up until the peoples voice was heard. I don’t have the figures but I would guess a substantial number of people world wide hate being monitored. Does the government have millions of Hell Fire missiles? Isn’t this a war on terror, the question is who is the terrorist and taken the trajectory that we are currently on what will this look like in 10 years?

        • easywriter

          Good point. If only millions would be willing to sign on…and they might. It seems like Moral Mondays started small and grew to at least 80,000…people are starting to realize individual action is necessary. Avaaz gets signers in the millions.

          • il corvo

            Yeh if just the two of us did this we might be spending time in prison or visiting Ed Snowden in Russia. My point is that even suggesting this I personally realize that this government is something to fear. A single protester would get simply put away but 10 million? The industrial Ruling Class only fear isn’t a violent insurrection but a coherent mind.

          • NOTgaltHouse

            They would just build more prisons. Private ones, of course; more profit for those capitalists.

          • Rivera Sun

            I recommend flooding them with sincere messages, from real people to real people. The NSA employees relish their anonymity. Rather than heightening their paranoia and fear, I recommend dispelling it entirely. We are all people here. And what the NSA is doing is soul-killing and shameful. It is creating a world that none of us want our kids to grow up in. We who understand creative, peaceful resistance can offer many suggestions to the NSA on how they can change, for the better, as an organizations. We can be relentless with the flood of these ideas.

            On a related note, if you have not read the Dandelion Insurrection, you should. You will enjoy the “smokescreen” the characters create to protect the popular hero, Charlie Rider from the detection of the government using millions of “Charlie Rider sightings”.

            http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/098481325X

  • easywriter

    Excellent post. Creative and to the point.

  • Jon

    This kind of delightful satire is EXACTLY what we need to do, along with withering sarcasm from time to time. Great job, Rivera!

    • Rivera Sun

      Thank you. I enjoyed it. When we laugh, our fear subsides. But even better still is when we find the ability to look beyond our fears and humor to understand the reality of humanity that sits behind the mask of authority. When we can reach out to those we are opposed to and get them to truly relate to us as fellow human beings, then I think great change is possible.